Tuesday: My girl comes!

 Okay, so my girl is in the Miami airport right now. I'm exhausted; I've spent the entire day (except for lunch with a friend) cleaning the apartment, running errands. I bought groceries, went to the dry cleaners, did laundry, cleaned the apartment, went to the bank (twice), bought wine at the wine store, bought flowers, ironed all my dress shirts, and am now chilling out in front of my computer with a beer. Phew. And she hasn't even come here yet!



I'm looking forward to her visit a lot. I want to have a lot of fun with her. She's a great girl, and I want her to feel that. I want her to feel loved, and I want her to really have a good time here. There's so much to do! There's so much to see. Of course, I'm looking forward to the late mornings in bed and the kisses and back rubs and stuff, too :)

I've made two resolutions for the New Year: 1) Stay positive; 2) Have fun. I want to be with her on a permanent basis. I deserve it, she deserves it, and we as a couple need to go for it! We can do this!

So while she's here I want to stay positive and have fun. When I head to El Salvador I also want to have fun with her, her family, our friends, and the people I have grown to love there. There are a lot.

I've decided to finish my program here at NYU in 1.5 years instead of two. It's what I want.
I've decided to sign civil union papers with my girl so that we can begin to live our lives together.
I've decided that it's time that I be happy, truly happy, that I fight for what I want, that I stop trying to be strong, stop trying to be independent.

Why? Because I'm strong, independent, and my own person already.

I decide how I want to live. I want to be happy. I deserve that. I am happy, actually. I like who I am, who I am becoming, the process I'm in, the life I'm preparing to live. I like all that about me.

It was a good holiday. I got to see my family and spend time with my niece. They keep me positive, remind me who I am, what I want, where I come from. It's important to remember that, always, even when I'm not at home. I think I can do it.

One of the things I like best about my girl is that she helps me be happy in the giddy, silly sense of the word. I like that.


I'm listening to the new Beirut album "The Rip Tide." It's amazing!

Nelson George's article in the NYTimes on current African American cinema is awesome. I saw him speak at the Brooklyn Book Fair this fall.

So listen. I know every once in a while I mess up and say stuff I shouldn't. Last night I reacted poorly to my girl because she was talking forever and she mentioned taking a shot of tequila with her buddies and it just kind of rubbed me the wrong way because I was at home here reading, doing nothing, and I think I get jealous.

Yet I'm getting better. I get stronger every day. I get more confident. I build, crescendo, I move, sans bravado, I know who I am, comprendo. I am doing this. I am ready to have fun with my wonderful girl. She is amazing. I will call her right now, finish this beer, put on my jacket, get on the train, and wait for her to come see me. I have an amazing life. I have earned this, worked for it, deserve it. I like it. I love it. I love me. I love my girl. I love this.