Privelege, Intelligence, Happiness (Thoughts from February 2009)

Privelege

What does it mean to not talk about where I come from? How do they think of me, honestly? Because they know I come from money and power, however relative it may be. It may as well be fair to talk to them about it, to tell them who I really am, to share my stories, to be me. It is part of who I am, and I think it lets me be real and genuine. I am, in fact, where I come from. That´s why, I realize, it is hard sometimes to have discussions with these people, these campesinos who have been exposed to so little. I have been exposed to so so much. I have been exposed to more than 99.99 % of the world, I would say. In terms of population, in terms of the human race, I am the most priveledged person in the world. I have to talk about. I want to talk about it. I want to mix the two worlds. I want them to be one.

Intelligence

I have to talk to these people as if they were my absolute equals intellectualy. Even if they have not been exposed to the university classes and textbooks and internet that I have, I believe that each person can think critically about the world and their place in it. I have to believe that. I have to believe that if I push hard enough, that if I set them up for success, we can do this. They can do it. Armida can do it. I have to set them up for success in my questions, and the questions have to be real. I have to be more transparent in everything, more than ever before. I have to be real and honest and critical and open to sharing my perspective, even if it comes from privelege, with these people because this is the only way it will help. I have to believe that they know, that they know their lives and their struggles and their hopes and their dreams. I have to trust that. I have to trust that my questions, if they are guiding, if I am wise, can help.

Happiness

Today I felt happy after emailing with my sister and thinking about a crush on a girl and communicating and accessing the information that I wanted to. I felt good. I felt so good. And then when I left the ciber I felt guilty, like I wasn´t supposed to feel good about anything here, like these two years were years of punishment and that my privelege of going to use the ciber was too much and that that is just one more sign that I am not the same as these people.

But then I thought that this is not a guilt trip. It is not a walk in the desert. I am here on Earth to love and be loved. By my family, my friends, regardless of what country. I have the opportunity to have these people in the USA, and they are my family, and I refuse to not love them because doing so is a privelege. I have the right, the absolute fundamental human right, to be as happy as possible.

Sometimes I feel like I must suffer. The world does not need one more suffering person. The world needs happy ones. The world needs people willing and daring to love.