Open

She tells me I´m not open enough. That´s my problem.
That´s not true. That´s not who I am.
I am ready to be open, but for the right thing.

The night we went to the lake, when we sat on the dock and got drunk on cheap liquor and went back to the room and she tried to get into my pants, kissing me hard and pushing me onto the bed, I really didn´t want that. Or expect that. That sucked man. It was not the right thing.

So I shut her down. Because no, I´m not open to half-way love.
I fell out of love very quickly the last time I tried it.
Being generous, one would say I know what I want and don´t settle.

For so long, and this will continue, I have felt I have needed to be strong.
Can that mix with love? I think so. After all, Obama´s married.

And maybe she is too open, maybe that´s why three times now she is getting hurt. Maybe she is too unsure of who she is, what she needs, where she is going, and she is afraid to do all of that alone.

I am not afraid of being hurt, if that´s what you are thinking. So why does that sound like a lie? Who isn´t afraid of that?

Is it also a lie to say that in three years I have not met anyone I´ve been interested in that has also like me?

It´s true to say I also haven´t been trying.

My friend gave and lost a lot to a girl who threw him away.
The way I see it, then, where´s the harm in waiting? But what am I waiting for?

Cuz I hear all those cheesy things bout saving me, rescuing me, love love love.
Man, I´m just trying to save me. And that´s as far as it goes.

So is she right, that I don´t want to take care of anyone right now, don´t want to accept responsibility for anyone´s feelings? Yeah, but I do. Man I do that with a lot of people, even with her.

Cuz my mom said that when it´s right, it´s something you wanna do. It´s compassion and sympathy and you reach out because you wanna feel what they feel, be there, not just help or save, but laugh, love, be lazy on Sundays, eat out, be happy.

Maybe she´s got it all about finding someone to help her- Maybe that´s not it. Or at least, it´s not the reason to love…to help.

So what to do? I guess I have to just keep being me, and I have to look for opportunities. That, honestly, is not so easy here. But I must do it, because Obama´s married, but Batman isn´t.

Or why? At my own pace man. My uncle got married at 75. My grandma at 19. We live our lives man.

I remember summers in Colorado, the mountains, the rain, the wonderful people. The green. Man, that´s where I need to be.

Day by day.