Went out tonight, had a good time. We went to Carnegie Hall to see my brother's girlfriend in a choir concert. It was kind of lame, but the opportunity to be in Carnegie Hall is always a good one, so I had fun. Beforehand, my brother and I ate dinner at some burger place. We always seem to have good conversations.

After the concert we went out and had a few beers with my brother's girlfriend's friends. I told the story of how I met my girl and it made me feel very proud of who I am and what I fight for. I am a brave, incredible person. I am great. I am someone who fights for what he believes in, and that is to be commended.

I need to stay positive. I called my girl at 1:00 thinking she would be asleep or alone and wanting to talk with me, but she was with a family friend drinking beer. Sometimes I get a little upset--jealousy I guess--because I feel like she doesn't suffer like I do. I think she must, though, in her own ways. Maybe not at the same times as I do, but it can't be easier. Arguably, I have had to overcome more obstacles in my life and deal with more adversity, but I guess that has made me more capable and hopefully, more confident. Plus, it's good for her to have fun. It's good for her to relax and enjoy herself. After all, I did it tonight :) We all need it, it's good for us. I just wanted her to miss me. I suppose that's normal; I was feeling a little lonely and sad. She passes through those moments as well. And just because I feel bad does not mean the solution is for her to feel bad.

The solution is for me to begin to feel better. That takes more work, for sure, but the real solution is for me to feel better about myself. To realize that I am great, that I have a good life, that I am doing the best I can and am seeing results. That I have friends, that I can be happy. That I am loved by a lot of people and that a lot of people love me for me. That's inspiring. That's good news. People care about me, and my girl loves me too. So, that's a good thing--I can use those things to realize that I am just fine as I am, that I don't need to change for anyone, and that I am amazing. Like the girl at the bar said tonight, I'm amazing. That's something to remember! That's something to make me happy :)

I can be happy, I really can. I know it's hard as hell. I know it requires work. But I can move to fathom the amount of love people have for me and internalize that, and use that to make myself feel good.

Good night.

Good luck.

Thank you to everyone who loves me.